5 Tips to Juggle Wanting More and Loving the Single Life: A Guide That Might Just Go Against the Grain
Written by: Dr. Kalpana Sundar

I’m single, and as much as I enjoy my alone time, there are times when I feel incredibly lonely. I was used to having lots of people around for most of my adult life, so now, the quietness of being single really stands out at times.

It took me years to conquer the anxiety that would creep up when I was alone for too long. I poured my energy into finding new hobbies, building friendships, dating, and immersing myself in work. What truly surprised me was the sheer amount of free time that unfolded before me when I was no longer bound by the responsibilities of marriage, raising children, or being constantly on call. This newfound freedom was both exhilarating and daunting. Yet, it was in this space that I learned the most valuable lesson of all—how to be my own best company.

This period of exploration and self-discovery empowered me to not just fill my time, but to enrich my life in ways I had never imagined possible.

I know this idea might stir the pot in our modern, feminist, “I don’t need a partner in my life” society. But bear with me. What I’ve discovered on this solitary voyage isn’t about needing someone else to complete me; it’s about redefining completeness altogether. We’re taught to look for companionship as a missing puzzle piece, yet through my own experiences, I’ve found that I had all the pieces I needed all along. This isn’t to undermine the beauty of companionship but to emphasize that our wholeness doesn’t hinge on another’s presence. This realization is empowering, liberating, and controversially refreshing. It’s a celebration of the individual spirit, and an invitation to love and explore life with an open heart, regardless of our relationship status.

During all this single time, I’ve proven to myself that I can do everything on my own, but I’ve reached a pivotal moment where the desire to continue this path has waned. It’s not about incapability but rather about choice and understanding the energy I truly wish to embody. Constantly being in a state of doing, fixing, and handling everything has anchored me in a masculine energy that, while powerful, has also left me feeling exhausted. To feel truly good, to feel vibrantly alive, I yearn to immerse myself in my feminine creative energy. That’s where my magic lies.

It’s in the creation, the nurturing, the flowing with life’s rhythms rather than dictating them. This realization isn’t a step back but a leap forward into a more balanced, fulfilling existence where I honor all facets of my being. It’s about allowing myself the freedom to explore, create, and be with a sense of joy and ease. That’s my jam.

I truly crave genuine connection in a partnership.

I believe it’s the way we were designed. At least I know it is the way I am designed and I don’t say this lightly. Through years of coaching, therapy, and spiritual practices, I have embarked on a profound journey of self-discovery. This relentless pursuit to truly know myself has unveiled a simple, yet profound truth: at the core of my being lies an unwavering desire for true companionship. This isn’t about filling a void or adhering to societal expectations. It’s about sharing experiences, growing together, and supporting each other’s journeys—emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

This revelation doesn’t stem from a place of lack, but from a deep understanding of my essence and a genuine yearning to connect with another soul on the same level. It’s a testament to the work I’ve done and the person I’ve become, ready to welcome and contribute to a partnership that resonates with who I am and aspire to be.

Does this resonate with you? If so, it’s ok to feel this way despite what we hear about not needing to be in a partnership.  We don’t need someone but we can want someone if we are in tune with our needs for intimacy and companionship. Love is a sign of emotional intelligence and self-awareness. This understanding has empowered me to approach life and relationships with a renewed sense of purpose and determination, celebrating the resilience of the human spirit to find connection and meaning, irrespective of past dependencies or how long we’ve shared our life with someone.

Here are some tips to guide you on your own path to self-discovery and authentic connection:

1. Acknowledging the Desire for Emotional Intimacy Is Healthy and Vital to Our Emotional Health

It’s perfectly natural and healthy to crave emotional intimacy and connection. Recognizing this desire does not detract from your independence or strength; rather, it underscores the beauty of human emotion and the depth of our need for connection. Yearning for someone who understands you, who sees the world similarly, or who simply listens to what your soul is saying, is a part of what makes us inherently human. This craving is a sign of emotional intelligence, not weakness. It prompts us to seek meaningful relationships that enrich our lives and growth. Remember, desiring companionship does not mean you are incomplete; it’s a testament to the complexity and richness of the human experience.

The idea that women should be perfectly content in solitude overlooks the rich tapestry of human emotions and needs. While some find profound satisfaction in their own company, others naturally yearn for companionship and intimacy. This doesn’t classify one as needy, insecure, or desperate. Instead, it highlights the diversity of our emotional landscapes and the different paths we walk in search of fulfillment. Recognizing and respecting these individual journeys is crucial. It’s about giving space to the myriad ways we find joy, contentment, and connection in life.

During my time flying solo, I had this eye-opening moment: I actually love my alone time way more than I realized when I was in a relationship. This solo journey hasn’t just been about finding myself; it showed me that being alone has given me opportunities to grow and think deeply about my life.

2. Accepting the Solo Journey (But Not Settling for Less)

First off, it’s perfectly okay to admit that being single can sometimes feel lonely. I’ve been there, feeling the emptiness of the space beside me, missing the companionship. But here’s the twist – accepting this doesn’t mean we settle for less than we deserve. It means we have the power to define our happiness, independent of a partner. Remember, settling for the wrong relationship is far lonelier than being single. I would know!

In life, accepting things isn’t about giving up but about being open to all the possibilities out there. Getting where we are now and being okay with it is a big step towards getting what we really want, like finding a partner who really gets us. It’s all about trusting our desires but being real about where we’re at. It means knowing we’re good enough as we are, and with that confidence and peace, we end up attracting relationships that reflect how complete we feel inside. Manifesting with acceptance doesn’t mean we settle; it means we’re open to real connections that fulfill our deepest needs and wants. It’s about being happy with who we are but also wanting a partnership that brings something extra to our lives, not because we need it to feel whole, but because we want to share our wholeness with someone else.

3. Discover Yourself – Your Interests, Dreams, and Desires

Being single may be your golden ticket to embarking on a journey of self-discovery. It offers the perfect opportunity to dive deep into personal interests and passions that might have been shelved due to various life commitments or perhaps never discovered due to lack of time or awareness.

During this phase of my life, I’ve had the incredible chance to explore a variety of passions that resonate deeply with me. One noteworthy journey has been in the realm of martial arts. After dedicating countless hours and immense effort, I recently achieved a significant milestone by earning a black belt in Krav Maga. This achievement has not only instilled a sense of pride and accomplishment but has also fueled my desire to explore other forms of martial arts. Consequently, I’ve begun diving into boxing and Muay Thai. Each session is a new learning experience, pushing me to my limits and teaching me the importance of discipline, resilience, and focus.

In addition to martial arts, I’ve reignited my love for music, a passion that has been part of my life since childhood. After many years of playing the piano and enjoying the art of singing, I decided it was time to reconnect with this creative outlet. Picking up where I left off has been a truly enriching experience, allowing me to express myself in ways words alone cannot. Music has the power to evoke emotions, tell stories, and bring people together, and it’s been incredibly fulfilling to immerse myself in it once again.

What activities or hobbies ignite your passion? Have you discovered new interests that excite you, or have you rekindled love for long-forgotten hobbies? Sharing these experiences can inspire and motivate others to explore their own paths of self-discovery and passion.

4. Seek Support – You’re Not Alone

Feeling lonely isn’t a solitary battle; it’s a shared human experience. Seeking support from friends, family, or communities of like-minded individuals can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. There’s immense strength in vulnerability, in sharing our stories and listening to others. This connection reminds us that, even in our singlehood, we are never truly alone.

One powerful step toward overcoming feelings of loneliness is to actively seek out and join groups or meetups that align with your interests. Whether it’s a sports team, a book club, a language learning group, or a community service project, these gatherings can be a fantastic way to meet other like-minded individuals. Engaging in activities you love not only fuels your passion but also introduces you to people who share similar enthusiasms. Remember, every person you meet has the potential to become a friend, a mentor, or even just a fun acquaintance to share experiences with.

The beauty of connecting through shared interests lies in the natural, organic conversations and bonds that form, often leading to lasting friendships. Take that bold step forward, put yourself out there, and you’ll be amazed at the rich, supportive communities you can become a part of. Your tribe is waiting for you; all you need to do is reach out and find them.

5. Visualizing Your Ideal Life – With and Without a Partner

Picture your dream life for a sec. What’s it look like? How’s it feel? Ok, now do that twice – once just for you, and then again thinking about being with someone. You’ll probably notice that what makes you really happy doesn’t change much. This isn’t about finding someone to make your life complete – it’s about seeing that you’re already whole on your own. And when the right person shows up, they’re just going to make your awesome life even better.

Think about how to balance your time – some for you, some for them. Imagine a life where being with your partner makes everything brighter, but your alone time is just as golden, giving you space to grow and think. It’s all about mixing together the good times and personal space in a way that feels right. And hey, this balance shifts over time and that’s totally ok. The key? Talking it out, understanding each other, and respecting those personal bubbles. Building a life with someone doesn’t mean you stop being you. It means cheering each other on, and sometimes, just cruising together on this road trip of life.

Choosing to be single means you’re putting your happiness and growth first, instead of just doing what everyone expects. It’s not about just getting by on your own; it’s about really living your best life, your way. And remember, being happy and feeling good about yourself doesn’t depend on being with someone else; it’s all about you.

To all you amazing singles out there, enjoy your freedom, make choices that are right for you, and take this time to dive into what you really want and dream about, without having to compromise. Believe in your journey, knowing everything will fall into place when it should. This time in your life isn’t just a waiting room; it’s an adventure of getting to know yourself better and growing every day.

And during those moments of loneliness, master the art of comforting your own heart. Remember, these feelings won’t last forever, even if sometimes the nights seem endless and the silence too loud. In these moments, find strength in your resilience, knowing that each day you are growing, learning, and becoming even more incredible. Loneliness is not a sign of weakness but an opportunity for introspection and personal enlightenment. It’s in these quiet times that you’ll discover the most about yourself, your desires, and your dreams. Hold on to the belief that these phases are temporary stepping stones to a fuller, richer life that awaits you. You’re not alone in your feelings, and this period of solitude is just another chapter in your epic tale, pushing you towards your greatness.

Contact Dr. Kalpana Sundar:

https://www.drkalpanasundar.com/

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